Somedays....

Yesterday was October 5th. To some just another day. To my family we wish it could be just another day. I got a note from Spy Sister last night, reminding me that it had been 20 years since our brother Michael died. I did not need reminding, I had been trying all day not to remember, but you just can't not remember some things. It was a beautiful fall day and I was visiting my friend Jolie, who was so radiant, her daughter Kelly would be born a few weeks later. The phone call late that night that I almost did not answer. The sound of Bobby's voice. The pain in my mother's eyes. A meeting at a funeral home. The burial chapel where I stared out the windows at the changing foliage wishing this was all a dream. The party afterwards where we all drank toasts to my alcoholic brother who had finally taken his own life because it had just gotten to be too much for him. Now, if that last part is not something you want to forget, nothing is.