Biking the French countryside

So... have you ever wondered what it would be like to rent a bike in the country side of France? Imagine it, biking from chateau to chateau. Stopping along the way to take pictures of the lovely countryside. The slight breeze blowing your hair back for that perfect picture of you, a bike, a baguette in the basket, a chateau in the background. Yes, it all sounds so picturesque, so wonderful, so full of shit!

This is what really happens.

You drive to the village of Azay le Rideau to the bike rental shop. You talk to the man about the ride (with a French accent) oh, it is not far to Villandry. Round trip about 25 kilometers. Once you get past this first hill it is all flat, all the way. OK then, that does not sound bad.

We walk up the hill with our little bikes with saddle bags not baskets and it does flatten out. We ride the bike path for a little bit and it goes right thru a wheat field, that when not being HARVESTED I am sure was quite lovely. So onward we go. A rather large grasshopper decided to fly right down my shirt. So imagine trying to stay on the bike and get a grasshopper out of your bra. Yeah...

Then we bike some more thru a little forest which was cool and pretty. I watch Photo Girl try to take a selfie and marvel at her long arms and skillful bike riding.

We pass a beautiful Hotel and Tea Room and cross over some railroad tracks. Next to the railroad tracks is a very nice house and The Girl says wow that is a really cute house. I reply (because I could still speak at this time) yeah until the train comes thru your backyard.

And we continue to peddle and we hit a down hill and then I remember a mantra from hiking - for every downhill there is an uphill waiting for you - and yup there it is. There are some beautiful cows in a field off to the left which I use as an excuse to stop and take a picture and walk UP the hill.

There is a man with a truck and a trailer and I seriously think if he is going in the direction we are, I might just pay him to throw this bike and my ass into the trailer and take me with them. But alas they head back in the direction we have come from and in retrospect I should have paid him to take me back.

So we peddle some more and some more and see a sign for where we are going. All the signs are in kilometers but I know that 10 KM is not around the corner.

At some point we missed the bike path trail and end up on a road leading into Villandry. A road with traffic going fast, but what is a girl to do? Just go. Luckily there is a good down hill, really good, too good. We are going faster and faster and faster when a damn truck pulls out in front of my beloved and I and in my head I scream and wonder you couldn't wait?

We (my beloved and I) catch up to the rest of crew at the Villandry commune line and we peddle over to the chateau area. We opt for lunch before touring. We were hot and hungry. Then over to the chateau.

My beloved and I toured the gardens 

while Upstate and the crew went into the chateau and the gardens. We regrouped after a while and started the ride back.

It started UPHILL with a detour. My beloved and I brought up the rear and as we are walking our bikes uphill a couple passes us saying "electric" and pointing at their bikes. Damn them! Why didn't we think of that? And up we went and up and up. So we finally get to a point where we can ride and off we go. We tell the rest to go ahead, because not only am I a slow hiker I am a slow biker. We biked and we walked. We biked and we walked. We biked and we fell (well I fell over at one point) we biked and we sat. We caught up with Upstate and Crew waiting for us under the shade of a tree.  

They continued on and we sat for a bit longer. Then pushed on walking, biking, walking biking.

We came to a little town and we stopped our bikes and my beloved went to get water. Sadly the little store was closed. I was sitting on the curb in the shade looking pretty bad I am assuming. A young woman pulled her car into her driveway and then came back out and asked if we wanted some water. We gladly said yes and she invited us into her home. Inside was a woman I assume was her mother (neither of them spoke English and our brains were now mush and could speak nothing) they gave us water, told us the temperature and I'm sure wondered if these two old broads were out of their minds. We stayed for a few minutes and then pushed on.

We continued our biking walking biking and walking. At one point I considered throwing my bike down on the side of the road and my body down next to it and crying. But I did not. My beloved kept saying you can do this. We can do this. Come on.  

We continued on and suddenly from around a corner came an ambulance and I thought yeah... they have come for me. But, no. I guess someone else needed them more.  

A few minutes after the ambulance rolled by our friend that offered water and the shade of her home to us pulled up. She had called a friend with a larger car and they came looking for us. We must have looked really bad. I can just imagine the conversation - please come and help me look for these two old ladies on bikes going to Azay le Rideau. I think they might die on the way and I can't stand the guilt if I don't help them.

So being the good wife that she is, my beloved said - take her. I will continue to ride. Truth be told, I did not put up much of a fight. In fact she peddled off and I stood there as these two young women figured out how to get my bike into the car. And off we went.  

My beloved made much better time without me and we passed her not too far from town. Yes, we did stop and make sure she was ok and gave her the rest of my water. Then I waved goodbye.

We got to the rental place and the girls got my bike out of the car and I offered them some money. They would not have it! They said no, no, no. We would only wish that if we were in this position someone would help us. So, pay it forward people. I'm going to be doing that for a while.

I sat and waited. I looked at my phone and it was dead. Then I thought, I have my beloveds pack and I know that she carries extra power in there. I was able to charge my phone enough to find Upstate and crew (yes, please bring me water) and get a phone call from my beloved asking how to get to the bike shop.

Music man went up the corner and looked for her. Came back and went up a second time. I picked my ass up off the step I was sitting on and went up as well. We looked around and could not spot her. After a few minutes we spotted her yellow shirt (for a minute a Tour de France joke ran thru my mind, but it never made it out of my mouth). She had come down the wrong street and was a bit mixed up. Lack of water? Too much sun?? Did I mention we did this in 95+ degrees? Yeah...

We all piled into the car and went off in search of Aloe for the sunburn and more water. We finally made it back to our sanctuary and headed for showers and something to eat.

Photo girl and The Girl made us a nice little spread and we all ate, drank and went to bed.

And I guess I woke up not dead this morning because I am writing this.