Thing Called Love

What redheaded rocker that lives in Marin kicked my beloved while looking for spiritual guidance on Friday night? My beloved expressed an interest in going to the San Ramon ashram of Amma the Hugging Saint this weekend. It seems that we (and said redheaded rocker) and so many others are seeking something. What is it? I am not sure. I just know that neither I nor my beloved has found "it" - we seem to be looking for something to believe in? I am not sure if that is correct, but something to give us comfort, to let us know things will be alright, that there is something out there that is more than "this". I will admit that I went because my beloved wanted to go, not because I had a great interest in going and being hugged by a stranger. The ashram is located in a beautiful spot in the rolling hills of San Ramon. Amma comes twice a year from India to inspire, I think that is what it is. She does not preach, in fact she does very little speaking. She sings, she sits, she laughs, she smiles at the children that come up and sit on the stage and she hugs. Upon arrival my first thought was that in America people seem to become caricatures of what they think they should look like. Women and men draped all in white because that is what Amma wears, rather cultish. Or the ones with every shawl or piece of tie die they own wrapped around their heads or the skinny dreadlocked chicks that appeared to not spend much time on how they looked but in reality seemed quite put together. My cynical self got my little token to be hugged, we were in the very first group since it was our first time, sat in my seat awating the arrival of Amma. People were everywhere (and just because they are looking for spiritual enlightenment does not make them any less rude then people waiting in line anywhere for anything) and I sat there thinking what am I doing here?

Then sometime during the bhajans I had a thought whiz thru my head that perhaps I needed to stop being so judgemental and selfish. Then I took a few minutes to look around, really look around to try and see more than just the caricatures I had been picking out. There was the woman sitting two seats to my left who was crying so hard that she was shaking. Or the small little black woman that looked like she should be at a Baptist church somewhere that knew all the words to all the songs. Or the man sitting on the floor right next to me, his head bowed, his hands clapping and every once in a while he would look up at his wife who was sitting a few people ahead of him and they would smile at each other. My beloved was sitting behind me so I could not see her, I wished I could have watched her.

Then the time came for the hugging. We got on our knees and were guided up the aisle to Amma. First she took my beloved in her arms, held her to her breast, then she took me into her arms. It was quite for a moment. Then she gathered both of us together and said something to us that we could not understand, we were given a rose petal and a hershey kiss and sent on our way. Was I immediately changed or made better in some way like some spoke of. No. Did I feel I had done something nice for my beloved? Yes. Will I go again? Yes, when Amma is not there and the ashram is not so full, we will go back and seek some guidence.

I will admit that there is something there that I want to learn more about. What it is I am not sure. Will it give me the "thing" I seek? I don't know. But there is something about a woman that thinks she can change the world with hug that makes me want to try and find out.

And my favorite moment from this night was not the redheaded rocker, it was not even the hug we had come for, it was something I could not see. During the silences I could hear a little baby hiccuping, that made me smile.